Poetic humour outsourced

Something I came across in a blog published by a musician who's quickly rising to the top of my favourites list - John Mayer. Lovingly dedicated to those of you out there with hopelessly corrupted minds.

Happy Birthday, Chad.
You are my sound engineer
and together we share a house.
You keep me warm on those cold nights
by making sure the thermostat is functioning properly.
And if it's not, then we lovingly embrace
the fact that it will be cold
and pile on extra blankets
in our respective beds
that are located next to one another
at our local Serta mattress dealer.

I long to feel your caring touch
on the production of the next CD
And look forward to showering again with you soon.
Your sister looks lovely with that pregnant glow, and I hope the gift will go to good use.

A moment of solemness - A bomb in Maldives?

Yes. It is a word. Solemness. However odd it looks (it certainly strikes me as odd for some reason). Anyway, the point being - There's trouble brewing in paradise (how the heck do u brew trouble anyway?).

Errr yes... back to the point again. Paradise referring to the Maldives, there was a bomb blast in Maldives less than 24 hours ago in a serene park named the Sultan's Park, so named because (surprise!) it previously used to be part of the Sultan's Palace.

This post is dedicated to the 12 tourists who were injured in the blast. I wish them well on their road to recovery on behalf of the Maldivian population (who have already condemned the blast uproariously).

My own opinion on this whole thing? The utter STUPIDITY of this act almost eclipses the gravity of the situation. If there were any Maldivians involved in this whole tumultuous episode, they certainly displayed unprecedented insanity, living in a country that almost SOLELY relies on tourists as a source of income. Targeting a tourist spot? A stroke of genius I say. (Just this once I feel that an emoticon with rolling eyes would come in handy...)

Enough said. Over and out.

The relationship between the Chinese and the earth's axis

It's a well known fact that there are a lot of Chinese in the world. There are a LOT of Chinese. 1.3 billion in fact. Yessirree. And that's only in China. There are a lot of Chinese in other countries as well. You haven't met a Chinese guy? Where are you from? Mars? Ah, forget it.

Well anyway, it's a lesser known fact that the U.S has never really been involved in a major dispute with China. Let's face it. The U.S is a global bully. Picks on a lot of countries. But it hasn't really picked on the Chinese. Hmmm?

The connection...

If every single Chinese guy in China jumped at the same time, it would rock the earth off it's axis. Pretty unnerving eh?

"Ni hao. President Bush? Listen carefully. We have a list of demands, and if they're not met within twenty four hours, WE'LL JUMP!."

Headbutt - The Ultimate Oxymoron

The study of oxymorons has long been pondered on and discussed by the greek. (They used to think a lot). For the newbie, an oxymoron is a figure of speech that combines two or more contradicting terms. For those who don't know what contradicting is, please refer to a dictionary. Spare me. Please.

A pretty ugly example of an oxymoron could be uh... "pretty ugly"? (That got to you didn't it?).

But actually, the point of this whole thing is an oxymoron that's been around for ages. It is so subtle that the very fact that it is an oxymoron has been lost in the sands of time. On the other hand, it has recently been made famous by Zinedine Zidane the football player. Time to kill the suspense.

Headbutt!!!

Beautiful ain't it? An oxymoron if I ever saw one myself. Just look at it! Two contradictory words just sitting there, joined at the hip, looking at you innocently, don't you think? The ultimate oxymoron, in my opinion. Just imagine, two opposite ends of universally EVERYTHING would be considered heads and butts. So it would only suffice that something so unique be given the title of the ultimate oxymoron.

What say ye?

Evolution of the Booby Trap

Internet Archaeology - Plausible?

(Two people are sifting through huge chunks of code at computers.)

Marcus : Ahoi there Charles! I think we got something here!. Hold it, I'll just clear away the code a little bit. Ah, what have we here? Hmmm... it looks to me like it's some sort of watchamacallit where primitive people used to express their thoughts. Says here that it's called a personal umm... Blog?

Charles: Brilliant Marcus ol' chap! This is the find of a lifetime! I've always wondered what people used to record their views on things. I can't for the life of me think of going anywhere without my (insert name of ultra-hi-tech-journal-thingy)! These people truly were ingenious eh?

Marcus: Bah! "Blog!". Primitive name if I may say so. Oh well, can't expect primitive blokes to be as forward thinking as us eh? Let's inform the media and get this over with shall we?

Charles: Alright old chap! Let's move on I say. Chop-chop!

"Beware of con men. This house is not for sale."

Interesting title eh? Well darn it, it's TRUE! People actually put up signs saying exactly that in Congo (yea there's a country called that). It's probably the only place in the world where you get to sell your house to someone without even knowing about it.

And you know the beautiful part about it? It'll take you a looot of money to get your house back once it's sold. This is probably how it goes.

1. Con men get a LOT of money from the sale of your house
2. You realize that your suddenly a visitor in your own home
3. You go to court. You either:
a. Pay a LOT of money to the con men to get it back
b. Pay a LOT of money to the judge to get it back
c. Pay a LOT of money to a lawyer to convince the judge
d. All of the above

Well anyway, you know what they say about one good (ahem) deed everyday...